Have you grit your teeth in desperation as you attempted to deal with a difficult person? Did you ever long to possess the secret to dealing with difficult men and women?
Well, the secret is surprisingly easy to learn and not too complex to learn if you don’t mind practicing. So, what’s the secret to dealing with difficult people? Only this: Quit being so hard! Yes, that’s appropriate; the problem isn’t with other people, but with ourselves. Are we so tough to get along with? Well, we cannot love others until we love ourselves. And many of us do not love ourselves as far as we can.
You see, there are some things about ourselves which we don’t like. The things that we don’t enjoy make us feel uneasy. We don’t want to think about them. So, we repress those beliefs. We push those feelings out of our consciousness. And along comes somebody else who has the ‘flaws’ we have and want to forget. Their presence reminds us of our faults, making us feel uneasy. We call them’difficult.’ They are not difficult men and women. They’re just people. “Tough” is a tag we adhere to people that make us feel uneasy.
Once I love myself unconditionally, I’ll discover that I love others too. Once I admit myself,’weaknesses’ and all, I’ll discover that I also accept other people. But why do I have reservations about myself? Why am I not totally in love with myself
We are not 1 person, but three. The first is our original self. The person we had been before our caregivers and many others filled our minds without any uncertainty in our own worth and power. This person is our True Self, and you’ll be able to see it in almost any infant. They, as you were, are filled with courage, trust and an adventuresome spirit. This individual represents your unlimited capacity and will be the kernel of the person you were intended to be.
When Johnny is told he is a”bad boy,” that he has no idea that this statement is only a tool to offer temporary relief for his youthful, inexperienced, impatient, and exasperated mother. Lacking the capacity for rational thought, young kids, such as Johnny, just accept what they are told as true.
It’s the incapable individual he thinks himself to be. The False Self is the second person we are. It’s the image we hold of ourselves in our subconscious. We can even call it our Restricted our Wounded Self. Having a bad self-image is equated to having low self-esteem.
Now, here is an important point. You are not what you think you are, but what you think; you are. In other words, you aren’t the weak person you think you are, for your True Self is powerful and has boundless potential. Yet, since you BELIEVE you’re weak, you are incapable of acting any other manner. Incapable, that is, until you change your own self-image. As you change your self-image for the better, you begin to strip off the layer of your False Self, allowing your Authentic Self to appear in all its splendor.
It’s the mask we use, the person we pretend to be. You see, the shame and guilt we feel for being the person we believe we’re (False Self), induces us to wear a mask to conceal from the world the inadequacies that we think we have. Therefore, by way of example, bashful Johnny wears a mask pretending to be courageous. How ironic that Johnny has to pretend to be what he really is, but does not realize!
Not only is that our potential limited by our False Self, but it is further confined by the mask we wear. This is because when we pretend to be what we think we are not, we’re scared of being uncovered. We are afraid people will discover that we’re weaklings after all. The shame and guilt we feel, as well as the fear of detection considerably depletes our energy, making us unable to reach our potential.
Well, then, how do we wake up to our True Self? It’s by altering our self-image. For once we believe in ourselves, in our capacity to change and achieve our goals, we no longer have to wear a mask. And as our False Self and hide drop apart, all that remains is our True Self.
But how can we alter our self-image? We all must do is do what the person we want to become is to do, and we then become that person. This is because we become what we do. When I kill people, I become a murderer; should I work out, I become powerful; if I treat others with kindness, I become sort. Simple, is not it?
Wait a minute! If I do what the person I would like to become would do, is not that just faking? Isn’t the same as wearing a mask? No, it’s not, for 2 reasons. First our mask is made subconscious, but doing exactly what the person we want to become would do requires CONSCIOUS and deliberate work. Second, the mask is based on a lie. It is made to conceal the inadequacies we think we’ve. But behaving like the person we would like to turn into is the opposite. It’s founded on the truth. It is done in order to reveal, uncover, and expose our True Self, our self. In other words, we deliberately make our actions and our actions create us.
Let’s look at an example. Leo is bashful and wishes to renew the guts of his True Self. He decides to take a little step. He’s unhappy with a current buy and decides to return to the merchant and request a refund. Despite his timidity, he behaves confidently. He does what the person he would like to become would do. That’s, he gently, yet firmly asks for a refund, fully expecting to get it.
Leo gets his or her refund! As soon as he does he can hardly contain his excitement, for he has made many startling discoveries. To begin with, he learned he could get the same results a confident person would get, only by acting confident! Second, he learned that he can change his behaviour and, thus, change his life. Third, he felt fantastic. He also experienced a success. Fourth, he experienced positive thoughts. These positive thoughts weren’t scripted affirmations, but genuine thoughts that burst into his or her consciousness. Ideas such as,”Wow, I didn’t know I could do it! This is excellent! I feel great!”
Leo took more little measures and continued to attain victory. The thoughts, feelings, and favorable consequences he experienced began to change his belief system. He no longer believed he was helpless. Before long he came to believe he was powerful. He became the person he wished to be. Actually, he became the man he was supposed to be.
When you realize your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, activities, and positive results shape your self-image, you will have at your disposal the capability to transform your self. But before you can wake up and end up successful, you must wake up and find your True Self. Become conscious of your three selves and require some corrective actions every day, however little. And because you begin to create progress, your rate of growth will speed up.
As we rebuild our self-image by behaving like and then becoming the person we wish to be, we should also cultivate the appropriate mindset or prognosis. Tom, for example, includes a negative mindset. Tom is in earnings and must deal with many clients, but finds them ‘hard’ It is hardly surprising that Tom doesn’t get along very well with his clients. After all, it’s not possible to not convey one’s beliefs and feelings. Although Tom would never think of telling his clients he doesn’t trust them, he cannot conceal his beliefs because the tone of his voice, body language, and behaviour talk louder than words.
There are a number of books written about coping with’difficult’ people, but all of the tips they share are worthless without the correct mindset. What’s the correct mindset or prognosis? Simply this: There are no nasty people. Sure, some do nasty things, but not because they’re nasty, but because they’re troubled. The correct mindset is merely the recognition that at heart, all people are decent and given an opportunity, will rise to the event. But what about ruthless murders and serial killers? Aren’t they evil men and women? No, they are ill people. They’re mentally ill. And mental illness is no more evil than cancer. Even though they are not evil, they’re dangerous, and society has to be protected from them.
She had been wearing a new suit for the presentation she had been going to create. The morning rain had stopped, so she didn’t bother with an umbrella. As she approached the bus stop, there was a pothole in the sidewalk, which she walked around. Unexpectedly, Sue was slammed from behind with such force she dropped to the ground, landing in a puddle, splashing dirty water all over her suit. To make matters worse, she badly bruised her knee to the cement and tore her stocking. Understandably, she was upset. Perhaps that’s too mild a word. It’d be more accurate to state she was in a rage. She rose to her feet and turned to find out who was responsible. It was a blind man! Because he had been sightless, he couldn’t see, and did not anticipate, the pothole. He triggered into it and fell against Sue. What happened to the anger that Id felt after she saw that the bind man? In a minute it was totally gone. The anger dissipated because she realized the guy who struck her was utterly innocent. There were no malicious intentions.
As soon as we have the ideal mindset, we all understand that, figuratively speaking, everyone we meet is a’blind person’, stumbling about, bumping into people, knocking them down. They are just going about life doing the very best they could. If we realize , every one of the lumps and anger we encounter will immediately vanish. Cultivate the ideal mindset by recalling this.