Have you ever been bullied, humiliated, harassed, or treated with contempt? have you
ever been called names? When you get to a new school, job or neighbourhood, were you ever the subject of racial slurs, and other jokes on the account of your religion,belief, appearance? Bulling is when a single person or group of people persistently use words to hurt you. It could take the form of verbal, physical, social of cyber bulling.
If you spoke up after being taunted, did they try to blame you, the victim, by saying,
“What’s the matter? Don’t you have a sense of humor? Don’t be so sensitive, we were
When you complained to your boss, parents, or teachers, did they help? Instead of
doing so, they may have compounded the problem by brushing it aside and saying
something like, “Don’t let it get to you. You’ve just got to learn how to get along with
people!” I wonder which is worse, to be made the brunt of jokes or to have one’s pain
Intimidation of others takes many forms. It could be physical violence or verbal abuse.
You may be prevented from doing what you want to do or forced to do what you don’t
want to. You may be shunned, ostracized, or given the silent treatment. The abusers
may steal your property or your reputation. You may be criticized, insulted, or
threatened. The result of it all is considerable emotional and physical pain.
Some important things to know about an abusers:
Learn to understand the causes. Once we do, that may be enough to, if not end the pain, at least
lessen it. Understanding the causes will also point out options and possible solutions.
So, why are some people so belligerent?
Understand that abusers have little or no confidence.
They act tough because they’re weak.
They feel like losers. They feel unsuccessful and incompetent. They feel that they have no
power over their lives and are desperately looking for a method of filling this vacuum.
Then along you come. If, somehow, they can make you feel bad; if they can control your
emotions, then they will have redeemed themselves, for now at last they will have some
control and power.
Their of feelings of worthlessness: they seek ways of becoming the center of
attention and ways of gaining popularity by preying and bulling others to get self-worth
Peer pressure, jealousy envy and not knowing any better, and the glorification of violence on TV, in the movies, and video games
It is also helpful to understand that the pain we feel when insults are slung our way, is
not caused by the insults themselves, but by our internal reaction to them. This
important lesson, (that it is not outside events, but our reactions to them that causes our
Yet, this teaching is hardly new. Two thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher
Epictetus taught, “It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of
it as insulting; so that when one provokes you it is your own opinion which is provoking.”
We may not be able to change the abuser, but we can change our mind. We can decide
that the frail attempts of a weakling trying to hurt us can be ignored. What better
revenge can you enact than to deprive the abuser of the satisfaction of seeing you get
Another point to ponder is a harasser cannot change the truth. A shrill little man may
hurl insults at you but it cannot change who you are or any thing about you.
Some effects of bulling:
Having thoughts of hurting yourself
You begin to feel unsafe or afraid
having low esteem and low self worth
How to eliminate or reduce the effects of bullying:
Place yourself in control by asking them to repeat what said. Asking question reverses the situation by placing you in charge
Because they didn’t expect the question, it forces them to reconsider the vicious
remark that they have made. Embarrassed or befuddled, they will usually respond with
weaker version of the original remark. So, with a single question, you have lowered the
level of intimidation.
Then, say something nice like, “i can believe you would say such a thing. It is beneath you.
Guess you’re having a bad day. Got home go now. See you later.” All bullies are
deeply troubled. They wish someone would understand them. Your remarks suggest
that you may not only understand, but also sympathise with them. If you repeat similar
comments whenever you meet, you may change them into decent people.
Turn insults into compliments. if the bully says, “My, you’re terribly ugly,” you could say, “What a nice thing to say! I didn’t think you
noticed. Bye, bye.” When you refuse to be hurt by the comments of bullies, you make
them become failures at their own game. That may make them uncomfortable enough
to stop taunting you.
Redirect the insults back to the source. For instance you could say, “I’m so happy
you’re trying to be self-confident! Keep repeating what you said. If you say it often
enough, you may come to believe it. That will make you feel better. Next time you see
me, you can practice some more.”
Fogging. It means to agree with part of the abusers comments For example, the bully calls you a skinny moron and
you reply, “Yes, I am skinny. In fact, I may even be a moron in your mind. But I’m sure
you’re intelligent enough to know I’m not stupid. So, why are you insulting me?
I’m all in favour of kindness and service to others, but not when it means allowing others
to manipulate us. Refusing to allow others to walk all over us is not about being selfish
or self-centered, but of being self-aware. It’s about understanding that we are
responsible for our own lives. If we give in to others, we give up on ourselves.